For Goodness Sake!

Dear Sister,
I am so tired. I think it would be a good thing if you were here to hug me right now. Then maybe I could cry for a little while, and then things would be all better. Language classes started on Monday, and that makes me crazy. Still not over the head cold, and now I'm battling some sort of intestinal bug. This morning I couldn't find my cell phone for the life of me, and I was so annoyed. I looked everywhere I could think of...including the refrigerator. lol. I finally left home without it, not that it really mattered. This morning class was so difficult. Jeffrey (ADD, if I may so classify) went into a screaming fit, because I tried to take a sticker away from him. I finally sent him out of the room, but it was hard to keep things going after that. And Benjamin wouldn't obey, until I hit him on the head so hard with one of the other kid's pencils that it broke. He was ok after that, but I felt bad about the pencil...of all things. Adam and I took of straight as class ended. Like jetted out of the classroom, grabbing our bags on the way, and walk/jogged 15 minutes to the nearest bus stop. There we waited a good ten minutes for our bus, and ended up arriving at Ewha twenty minutes late. We missed that morning's dictation test, needless to say. After class we ran back outside again, hit the first bus, and took it to SCG, where I proceeded to wolf down lunch (pbj and two boiled eggs) while preparing today's and tomorrow's lessons. Of course kids were missing from both classes this afternoon, and of course today would have been the day I had some more important materials prepared. So I had to put some of that off and improvise. It was ok, but I was glad when it ended. I went back into the office to lock my lap top in its cupboard, but the key's gone. One of the kids took it. I don't know enough Korean to figure out who...so it stays missing. After work, Teresa and I decided to take a cab to E-mart, because I want to get a fleece blanket before it gets really cold. So I spent three bucks on a taxi, but the blankets aren't selling any more. Got home, cleaned up the dog poop on the kitchen floor, looked for my phone for a little bit longer (this time in the trash can), gave up and put on a movie. Teresa got home about an hour later (she and the Dubes had gone out to dinner, which I can't afford to do as often as they do). She knew I had been having kind of a hard day and wanted to cheer me up, so she looked around for my phone for a while too. Where should she find it but in my purse? In the cell phone pocket of my purse, nonetheless. I'm glad it's found, but that just gives you some idea of what kind of state my head's in. I keep my phone in that pocket, for goodness sake! Of course it was there. Oh well. And now I'm eating rice. I realize how much I need to prepare my heart to love God. To be honored by His regard. I'm very sad that I'm not a much better person. "Equilibrium" I said out loud to myself today as I walked through the market. I say things out loud to myself here, because it doesn't matter anyways. People don't stare any more for my odd mumblings, because they can't stare any more. It's obnoxious being such a spectacle. At any rate, I whispered, "equilibrium" because it's such a good word, and I want to have it. But I haven't. I'm like a wave. Caught up in a current to strong for me, and then spit out covered with seaweed. That's an analogy Teresa used the other day, and it fits. Really, not always. Just today. Usually I'm ok. I think what set me off was that Teresa's boyfriend came over the other evening. I went into the room to ask T a question, and they were holding hands. And I was very lonely. Very, very lonely. There's no loneliness like that of being far from all familiarity and those whom you love more than life. But, Sister, I wouldn't trade being here for the world. I was walking to school a few days ago and I realized that, though it's harder on an hour to hour basis, I am so much happier here than I was back in the US. I don't have a good time like I did there, but I have purpose. A sense of belonging, of being, of direction. I am so content to be here, and so eager to learn and to press forward. It's like one part of me is withering up and dying, while the other part is flourishing. It leaves me a little bit confused and lost feeling. Like I mentioned before, 'world' events leave me, to use mild terms, concerned and upset. I know you all don't keep up with what's happening much, but it's kind of unavoidably noticed here, with drills regularly practically shutting down the city. It's a little scary, sometimes. But mostly it just makes me very sad. There is so much sorrow in this big world. I was reassured this morning, though. I read in Isaiah 40, about God measuring the waters in the hollow of His hand. I got up and filled my own cupped hand with water, then just stood there thinking about how very big God is, and me so very small. It was reassuring somehow. My dear sister, I love you so very much. Thank you for letting me share my head. I feel so much better for it. It's bed time. The tummy's doing funny things, and I have to teach tomorrow. Pray for me when you think of it.
me